i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
