yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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