**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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