Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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