if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
