and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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