Kiss
Puke
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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