I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
