So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
