Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Someone came in the potted fern
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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