the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
this is an emotional support booty call
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize