In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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