I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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