If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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