I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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