I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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