put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
