It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
