He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
