Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
