Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
