when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
