They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize