found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
