Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
