Pappa wants mamma naked
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I see more hoeing in ur future
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