It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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