he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
