What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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