i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
