new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
