i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
