Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
