I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
