Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
