No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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