dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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