Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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