I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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