dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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