I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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