I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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