Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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