I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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