Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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