bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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