I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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