They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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