I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
