Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Rumble strips road head = magical
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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