If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize