Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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