She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
