Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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