I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
