**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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