Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
