Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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