check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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