I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
