Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
