which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
