I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
