Will you blow on my dice?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
