I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
