Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize