Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
