It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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