Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
