Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
love makes seman taste better
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need water and some morals
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
