I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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