Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
