I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
operation have a gay friend backfired
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
