Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
