whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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