i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize