Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
